Welcome to my world.
Hello folks. Here I am- Mother of 3, Grandmother of 1 and voice of a million. Life hit that bump in the road that we are all warned about, 20 months ago, and as such I have been thrown into a world I never knew existed. Trauma counseling, victim support and homicide division- ewww big, scary words!!
Life trundled along, quite innocently for so many years, and then WHAM- take that!!! No that’s not a duo of 80’s pop sensations I’m referring to- it’s that family catastrophe that we read about with horror, sympathise with but never imagine it’s creeping closer to our own doorstep.
So as Mum, head of the family, well our family anyway- I did what any Mother does. I picked up my child, and his child, brought them home and prepared for a brand new life ahead. I dealt with the press invasion, albeit a little naively (seeing my ‘quote’ in the Sun newspaper was rather shocking as I had uttered one word- sorry two words- “go away”. Hardly a deep and meaningful statement!), fed everyone who walked in and out of my house ( which seemed to be half of the Met Police at one stage) and generally tried to keep life as normal for my other two children.
The fact that my heart was crumbling over and over again, (and when I caught sight of my son throwing up everything he ate), over again, didn’t stop me having to ‘get on with things.’ The funeral was possibly the worst day of my life and there are no words to describe the scene of my son and his at the graveside of their third musketeer.
We have had a lot of ‘firsts’ since that day. First day of school, first sports day, first Mothers day (with no Mother), Xmas, Birthday and pretty soon we will be having a Christening. Have to say I’m not looking forward to it. The same church where we buried her, will be the scene of son’s son’s God naming day ( as he calls it). Of course we are doing it because it’s what she wanted.
There will be tears, (the memories will most certainly evoke these), but hopefully in getting together our family, and her family, all for our Little Prince, there will be laughs in abundance too.
Of course, I can’t figure out what to wear! I’ve been told to wear a dress- which I hate as I have massive calves (13 years of ballet – I rest my case!!), and a hat. I look awful in both. My parents will both be present, and the last time they were in the same room was at my wedding 15 years ago, and the icy atmosphere still hasn’t thawed!!
Still I’m as ready for this as I was for the life change 20 months ago. Let’s hope I have enough resilience still in me to survive it.
Catch you soon.
images by indigo skies photography, michael of scott