Bish Bosh Binkle by Sam Wooton

Bish Bosh Binkle’s 

not exactly twinkle toes.

Sixteen foot four 

of the hairiest , clumsiest fairy you ever saw.

(whoever said only girls could be fairys )

Clopping & knocking his feet everywhere, 

tripping over everything, falling down stairs. 

His best friend dimples (for obvious reasons)

cried  “Bish bosh,  please learn to balance, get some poise but please stop treading on my toes!!”

Bish Bosh clomped over the trippy trappy bridge (no trolls in sight when he’s around), up to the village hall where a big sign read ‘Ballet Classes-  beginners, any age, welcome. 

Just as Bish Bosh was about to squeeze himself through the small doorway (every doorway is on the small side for Bish Bosh), his huge boat like feet got caught on the door frame. Bish Bosh lost his balance and went tumbling in, unfortunately the door frame went too. 

“Ooh here’s someone we really need in our class,” sniggered a posh looking girl with plaits and tons of freckles.

“Now, Patience let’s be welcoming. Come in my ‘erm dear”, squeaked Miss Pat as Bish Bosh stood up to his full 16ft 4. “How may I help you” ?

Bish Bosh whispered “I’m looking for some balance and ‘erm poise” .

Miss Pat’s ballet class dancers couldn’t take their eyes off Bish Bosh. Not because he was great or anything, they’d just never seen anything like him before.

“And plié, down and up”, chirped Miss Pat,

“No, no Bish Bosh dear, straight back, bent knees, not straight knees, bent back”.

He didn’t just have trouble with 5th position, Bish Bosh had trouble with positions 1,2,3,& 4 as well. No matter how hard he tried, every time he turned his feet out, he just toppled over like a timbered tree, flat on his big hairy face. 

When Bish Bosh did his stretches at the bar, he stretched a bit too far taking the bar with him (including those dancers who didn’t have the sense to let go.)

Bish Bosh came out of his first ballet class in some considerable pain. In fact so did most of the class!!

Dimples took Bish Bosh to Mr Chung to see if Martial Arts might teach him some balance. 

“Listen to the ‘inner spirit’ ” whispered Mr Chung. 

Unfortunately Bish Bosh hadn’t had breakfast and it was at this moment that his rather large stomach let out a rather large rumble. 

Mr Chung decided Bish Bosh had a bit too much ‘inner spirit’ for his class and so asked him to leave.

“Swimming”, suggested Dimples, surely he could learn balance there. In water there’d be little chance of Bish Bosh injuring anyone else.

Off they went to the Little Ducks swimming school. Bish Bosh had trouble finding arm bands to fit him, so Dimples lent him a couple of tyres off his Uncle’s truck. 

With his swimming hat stretched so tight over his ears Bish Bosh had difficulty hearing the instructor.

“Now tadpoles , simply hold yourselves steadily on the poolside”, 

Bish Bosh unfortunately heard- “throw yourselves heavily off the poolside.” 

With a thumbs up at Dimples he launched himself with great force off the edge. 

KABOOM!!!!!

Needless to say there was no water left in the pool, and Bish Bosh wasn’t asked back..

That night Bish Bosh had a dream –

he and Dimples were by the river when they heard a loud “HELP, HELP.” Posh Patience was stranded in a sinking boat and her pet badger (bit weird) was thrashing about in the water. 

Bish Bosh yelled, “throw me the rope.” He leapt into the air with the grace of a Principal Ballet Dancer caught the rope with the swiftness of a Ninja master and hauled the boat over.  He dived into the river, cut through the water like an Olympic champion, picked up the small thrashing badger (even weirder), bringing it to safety. 

In the morning Bish Bosh couldn’t wait to tell Dimples his dream. In fact he was in such a rush, he put his trousers on backwards and his dustbin lid shoes on the wrong feet.

Dimples only just managed to get out of the way as Bish Bosh tripped over his back to front feet and came hurtling down the stairs. 

There’s one thing for sure- Bish Bosh Binkle will NEVER be twinkle toes.

by Sam Wooton